I wish I could punch you in the face.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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