i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
