I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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