this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
