My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
