my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
