Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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