she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just invented taco cereal.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
