You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
