White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
