did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
