Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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