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Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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