I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
