But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
