I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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