I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
