I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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