What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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