whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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