she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Apparently you make a good broom.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
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She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
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He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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