I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Someone signed my nipple.
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