And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
