Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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