and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
