note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
