im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
