you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I believe in your delicious
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