dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
