She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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