I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
