You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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