what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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