Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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