He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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