Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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