I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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