Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
