watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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