Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize