I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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