guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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