idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just found a bag of teeth...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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