He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize