; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
