Fine. I'll sleep in my office
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
