i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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