she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
