Soap is not a condiment
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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