im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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