Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
