Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
