My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
