i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
