Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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