Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
