just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
