I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
