I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
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All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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