theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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