you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
