I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
