the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
