She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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