I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
