I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize