when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
