I just pynch a tree in the face
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just want nice things and good sex
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
