Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
