Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
